


In sadness there's always you

by RiversSweetie



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-27 05:25:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiversSweetie/pseuds/RiversSweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you dont mind the idea or arthur & karen because theyre having a part in the background, id never be able to write a whole fic on them two, dont worry if you dont though its really not a lot</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

‘’I can’t believe it’s almost over’’ Karen said once again as they sat drinking their tea before the last bit of filming.

Matt was sad enough he would be losing them without them reminding him. He had met Jenna and she seemed alright but she was no Kaz and Arthur. ‘’yes Kaz, we know! We don’t need constant reminding of you leaving’’ he snapped back then sighed, “I’m sorry Kaz I’m just stressed. It’s just too sad to think of right now”.

“Aw Smith dog! I never knew I meant so much to you!” Kaz perked up a bit realising she wasn’t the only one sad right now.

Arthur laughed, “He’s only sad because he’s worried Jenna won’t be as easy to bully” “oi don’t drop me in it I was getting love there” Matt laughed along with him as Kaz pouted.

“I’m judging by the laughing and look on Karen’s face that she’s getting bullied again?”. The three of them whipped their heads around; none of them had heard Alex approach being too lost in their conversation. 

“Oh my god! Alex! ” Kaz jumped up and ran into an embrace with Alex. “you’re right, they are picking on me! You came just in time” she smirked to the boys. “You will promise to team up with Jenna and give Matt a bit of his own medicine next season won’t you Al?” 

Alex laughed “I’m sure I can as a leaving present for mummy dearest. “Good girl” Kaz says as she pats Alex on the head like a proud mother.

Just then Kaz and Arthur hear their names being called, “come on wife, let’s go and fall off a building”, “ah how I love the Roman romance” Kaz says as she takes Arthur’s hand and turns back “see you two later, be good”.

“Oh but where’s the fun in that?” Alex retorts as she sits down next to Matt. He turns to Alex and smirks. “Well then wife, it’s been a very long time, a man has needs you know”

Alex laughs “no hanging around with you is there?” she raises an eyebrow to him.

“So is that you agreeing you need to do your wifely duties?”

Alex looks down at her watch and stand up “maybe when you’re older” she whispers in his ear. “See you later Smith, have to go get looking fabulous” she said as she walked off.

“You always do Kingston” he shouted at her, “you always do” he whispered to himself as he covered his face.

He could kick himself for starting to flirt with her again, he promised he would be good this time, no more flirting, looking, or fantasising. So far it wasn’t going well at all. 

He’d had a crush on her since the first time he had met her and every time she came back to film more it was getting worse. Things weren’t so bad when she was in America but when she is here filming he swears Moffat knows what he is thinking and puts her in worse outfits every time. It’s got him in awkward situations on set more than once. Especially when she had fallen on him, what had ever possessed him to suggest that? 

He sighs “pull yourself together Matt. You’ve got no hope”, he stands up and walks over to the set to wait for them to start filming again.


	2. Chapter Two

“Look I did not knee you that hard you’re so over reacting Darvill”

“HA! You may look like a small girl but you’re manlier than I am half of the time” 

“Oi! That’s so unfair!” Kaz says as she punches Arthur in the arm.

“Ahhh see what I mean? This is domestic abuse” Arthur says as he holds his arm dramatically. 

Matt watches the scene before him laughing, they really did make a great couple he though. “yeah how perfect would it be if you had this with Alex” he thought to himself. No he was not going to go there, he didn’t want a relationship with her anyway did he? He just found her attractive, in a unbelievably breath taking way…

“hellooooo anyone there?” Kaz asked waving a hand in front of his face. “will you please tell my idiot boyfriend I am the best thing he’s ever had and he needs to stop bullying me please”

Matt laughed again “oh no! I’m not getting involved in any domestic”

“yeah good call mate” Arthur replies as he kisses kaz “im sorry”

“good!” she kisses him back and waves “Hey” she says to Alex who has just walked onto the set.

Matt looks over to where she is waving and see’s Alex approach them. “it’s okay” he thinks to himself, the costume department must be helping him out today, long dress with a cardigan over the top. Though he was happy he had nothing to distract him he was looking forward to admiring some part of her.

“Right then guys” shouts the director now they are all there, “let’s get going”.

Matt walks over to the Tardis and stands inside with Kaz waiting to exit for a scene when they first land in 1938’s New York.

He bursts out of the Tardis and starts to strut, he wasn’t even sure if he was trying to impress Alex or the doctor was trying to impress River anymore. “Sorry im late Honey the traf……” he stops suddenly as he looks up at Alex, that alluring smile, and he wasn’t quite sure if that was the most alluring thing about her.

Of course. This is River Song, as if she would be wearing anything over a dress that showed off her assets like that. “oh shit Matt where are your eyes” he thought to himself and suddenly looked around. 

“uh sorry guys, I’ve got the line now” he says sheepishly, as he looks back at Alex she still has that smirk on her face. Oh god she didn’t see him looking did she? He really hoped not but how could any man or women for that matter help themselves?

He got back in the Tardis and managed his line fine this time. As he walked over to Alex he could feel her eyes on him like she was reading his mind, it’s okay he told himself. It’s the doctor’s wife he’s bound to be looking like you are right now. 

“So where are we now, Doctor Song? How's prison?” he says as he walks to stand behind her, he couldn’t help but look down and he swore he felt her move backwards pressing her arse into him. The urge to press up against her and make her feel how easily she could get him hard was very appealing but reason crept in as he told himself he was just imagining it, it was him who wanted to rip the clothes off her and he very much doubted she would like it if he did.

“Cut!” shouted the director, “what is it Matt?”

“uh.. uh.. Im sorry I uh lost my train of thought… won’t happen again”

But it did. Twice more every time he got within touching distance of Alex his mind went blank except for the images of her naked underneath him. Even the angel holding up her arm was arousing him thinking of her tied up and at his mercy.

“cut!” the director shouted again. “I understand shooting this is a sad time for all of us but we all need to have our head in the game, so let’s take five” he got up from his chair and walked over to Matt, “sort it will you, moping’s for the after party” he pats Matt on the back and walks off. 

Matt walks off alone to try and clear his head, he considers going back quickly to his trailer to have a quick wank in the hopes that the images he’s getting over Alex will stop but that would only make things worse in the long run. He needed to stop the fantasies not indulge them.

“Are you okay sweetie?” he looks up from where he is sitting on the floor as he hears Alex’s voice. 

“yeah im good, great, just uh.. last episode and all” he tries to think of something to say quickly, he’s a terrible liar and I was too busy dreaming of fucking you wasn’t something he wanted to admit.

“are you sure? It didn’t seem sad” she says looking at him questioningly.

Oh shit, he thinks, she knows. “no uh nothing”.

“well I am going to have to take offence at that. To know this outfit has no effect on you does nothing for my confidence” she says as she pushes her chest out.

He looks at her gobsmacked. “well, i.. uh… I didn’t say it didn’t .. I just well… didn’t think I should say … well, that your body was turning me on so much I forgot my lines”

Oh shit what had he just said. This is Alex she was only joking and he had gone and dropped himself in it. 

Alex raises an eyebrow and smirks “well that’s more like what I want to hear”.

Did he just really get away with saying to his friend she turned him on and not get a slap from it? She definitely felt the same didn’t she? Was he just reading too much into that? She’d hardly said take me to your trailer and fuck my brains out.

“come on then, let’s get back to set, I think we’ve been longer than five minutes” she said standing and waiting for him.

“yea right” he said as he got up and started to follow her. She had definitely made him think about a few things.

**  
They got through the rest of the day eventually, after Matt had finally managed to stop staring at her arse the rest had gone through okay.

“Matt, Alex” Kaz calls walking over to them. “drinks at mine and Darvills tonight? To celebrate our long lost daughter returning. So im afraid Alex that sort of makes your presence very important”

Alex laughs “a party all for me? Well I can hardly say no to that can i?”

“great!” Kaz turns to Matt “well I know you’ll be there, you couldn’t dare not be” she winks “see you both at around seven” she turns and walks away to a waiting Arthur.

Matt turns to Alex “ well I guess ill uh.. see you later” 

“I guess you will” she winks “bye sweetie” and she walks away too leaving Matt standing alone wondering what the hell he had said today and dreading what he might say tonight.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you dont mind the idea or arthur & karen because theyre having a part in the background, id never be able to write a whole fic on them two, dont worry if you dont though its really not a lot

When Matt got back to his flat he dropped on his sofa and groaned. He had never quite done well with sticking with promises he had made himself in the past but this was one step too far. Who tells their friend that they turn you on. Urh what a mess.

Though on the other hand she knew and she didn’t say anything bad. Maybe he should use this to his advantage to see if there was anything there of her mere presence had finally pushed him over the edge and he had started hallucinating.

He got up and put the show on ready as he started to look for what to wear tonight, he wanted sexy but mature.. irresistible.

When he had found a top he remembers Alex saying how much she liked he makes his decision and jumps in the shower, he was going to look good, smell good and get the girl.

**  
At around 7.15 Matt left his flat and walked over to Kaz’s. she had said seven and would probably shout at him for being late but it wasn’t his fault, he was too nervous. He had done his hair god knows how many times and every time he walked to the door he had to go back to the mirror once more to check himself over.

On the walk there he tells himself he can do it, get Alex. Nobody flirts that much for nothing do they? He was full of confidence till he got to Karens door and heard the three of them roaring with laughter.

“oh shit” he whispers, the slight confidence he had given himself completely gone as he opens the door and walks into her flat.

“well what’s so funny then?” he asks as he shut the door behind him and flops down on the sofa next to Karen. 

 

They all burst out laughing again “oh nothing, nothing at all” Karen says through the laughs, “just doing a bit of reminiscing actually”  
When they laugh again Matt asks “are you three drunk?”

“well ….” Alex replied “I may have got a bit bored and called around a bit earlier than expected with some pretty lethal shots but it was my party so I had to start early you see”

“oh thanks for the invite to come earlier guys” Matt huffed jokingly “I bet you’ve all just been here talking about me”

“we have actually” Arthur winks at Matt.

“well as long as the reason you we’re just laughing wasn’t at me…”

“not at all sweetie, not at all” Alex said as she fluttered her eyelashes. 

Wow why did she do that? That sort of look could make him forgive her for causing world war three. That’s a bit drastic he reasoned, but probably true, she could do whatever she wanted as long as she carried on looking at him like that.

“right so best, worst and funniest memories. This is half leaving party after all” Karen says then fake cries.

“keep them for the actual party Kaz” Matt said as he chucked a pillow at her “right go on then, ladies first” 

***  
A few hours later the stories had been told, the alcohol very quickly drunk and Kaz and Arthur were now up dancing to some soppy love song.

“Hey” Matt says as he moves over the sofa to sit next to Alex.

“Hey” she smiles at him.

There’s an awkward silence when Matt decides what to say next. He was feeling a bit drunk so he wasn’t trusting his judgement and it was talking him a long time. 

“about earlier…” Alex starts.

“No please don’t. im sorry Al I never..” Matt quickly interrupted her with till she put her finger on his lips and he quieten downed easily.

“you never meant to say it or you never meant it at all?” she let her finger leave his mouth only when she had finished talking.

“Honestly…” Matt shoved a hand through his hair as he wondered whether he should tell her the truth or not. Go for it his mind was telling him, if she knocks you back just blame the alcohol. “..I meant it. Im just sorry I said it because I don’t want to put you in an awkward position”

Alex smiles slightly and looks down sheepishly “not too old for you then?” she laughs a little.

“oh hell no Kingston, just right”

She laughs again and slowly moves a hand up to his cheek, tilting her head. Just as her hand is inches from his face Karen bounds over “Smith! It’s our song come and dance!” she squeals as she pulls him up.

Matt looks back to see Alex still sitting there with her hand in the air watching him be pulled away from her. Matt had never disliked Karen so much as he did right now. 

Was she really just about to kiss him? Alex Kingston about to kiss him! It sounded ridiculous but she was definitely going to do something… he needed to talk to her again.

Later that night when Alex announces she’s going to leave Matt sees his opportunity.

“May I escort the Miss Kingston?” he says as he bows.

She giggles in reply “I guess you may Mr Smith” she hugs Karen and Arthur goodbye and walks out of the door. Matt quickly follows.

“They’re so shagging you know” Karen says grinning at Arthur.

“Nah, she’d eat him alive. I bet he can’t even get through his fantasies with her” he replies as they laugh together.

“Meanie” Kaz says as she starts kissing him “think it’s time for you to prove you can keep up with me”

“Oh I shall do” he replies as he picks her up and carries her to the bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

Matt walked along sheepishly behind alex. He wasnt sure what she had meant by letting him come with her. she could simply just have meant he could walk her to her door, it was right opposite his own and why would he want to stay and play third wheel with kaz and arthur?

His question is answered when they get to Alex's flat and she turns around ''do you want to come in?'' she asks him. she doesnt seem to confident about it he thinks to himself but he accepts anyway as there is no way he could sleep tonight not knowing what is going on with them.

He follows her into the flat and closer the door behind him. He stands at the entrance to the living room not sure how comfortable he should make himself. After all he had no idea what she was thinking anymore.

''Do you want something to drink?'' Alex calls from in the kitchen.

''I'll uh, have a tea please'' he calls back, deciding that more alcohol at this point wouldnt help him.

He finally decides to go and sit down on the sofa as he he is staying long enough to drink anyway, though he sits on the edge and patiently waits for alex to come back. He was in such a day dream about what could have happened earlier in Karens flat if she had not interrupted them he didnt even notice his phone was ringing for a second. He got it out and stared dumbly at it for a moment in shock. Daisy.. why the hell was she phoning him?

''who's that at this time of the morning''

''daisy...'' he replies, too confused to think of what hes saying.

''oh right.. so you two are together again? thats good, i always thought you two were perfect together'' Alex says dully, with her face completely showing no emotion.

''No honestly lex, its nothing like that''. He could slap himself for being so stupid as to bring up Daisys name at such an important time. this was the closest he'd ever got to Alex and he wasnt going to let him ex ruin it. ''I havnt spoke to daisy in months i dont have a clue why she's calling me'' Matt practically begs to Alex. 

''You dont need to explain yourself to me Matthew. your love life is your own'' she says sipping at her tea for something to do before the tears fell. Of course today didnt mean anything, not when he had a super model girlfriend to think of. ''im actually quite tired now, so...'' she says leaving the sentence hanging hoping he will leave without her telling him to and making things even more awkward.

''right. okay'' he said taking the hint and standing. ''But just know that i meant what i said i have no idea why shes calling, i came back to your flat tonight to talk to you, i dont want to talk to daisy anymore. she my past, youre...'' he stops there as he thinks saying she is his future would probably be a bit too forward. they hadnt even kissed yet after all. 

''Goodnight lex'' he said as he stand at her door.

''goodnight matthew'' she replies, keeping her eyes on her tea.

Matt sighs and walks back to him own flat and slumps straight onto his bed not bothering to even change. 

***

Matt had a restless night even with the alcohol putting him to sleep almost instantly. He kept having nightmares that Alex said she never wanted to see him again and that Daisy was there in a wedding dress and with a baby bump. very big nightmare.

As he showers in the morning he wonders how she would react to him calling over there now, he could act like last night didnt happen. He wanted it not to happen.

thats what he was going to do he decided while getting dressed. He was going to act like he walked her home, maybe gave her the kiss the should have shared in Karens and gone back to his own flat straight away, that way he could have just told Daisy (who had called another four times and left a voicemail that he couldnt even understand she was that drunk) where to shove it.

When he arrived on set an hour later he couldnt find Alex anywhere so he decided to just sit and read through his lines, Arthur and Kaz would probably too wrapped up in each other so he wasnt going to go find them till he was sure Alex would be there.

Sadly though they find him sitting in the café. Slumping down either side of him they start nudging him between each other.

“so come on. Spill. Did you go home with alex?” Karen says excitedly.

“yeah matt, did you get alex drunk enough she’d give you a second glance?” Arthur chirps in and he and Karen high five behind matts back.

Matt sighs, “actually. I did. And then she saw daisy calling me, totally got the wrong idea and freaked out”

“oh shit that’s not good!”

“yeah I know that kaz thanks. So what do I do now?”

“well why was daisy calling you first off mate?” Arthur asks concerned. Matt thinks he was more concerned about alex’s feelings right now which annoyed him. He didn’t ask for this. 

“well I don’t know. And im really annoyed she did! Come on lets not mess around we all know how much I like alex. I always have, I think part of the reason I ended it with daisy was because I knew the feelings I had for alex wernt innocent. No matter how much itold myself it was just a silly little crush”

“wow. I never thought you were so shupid” Karen says, leaving her mouth hanging open just to emphasize how stupid she thought he was. “how did you not know you were totally in love with her?”

“im not in love with her I just like her. I guess I only just realised last night when I got so close to actually being with her!

Arthur laughs “fair play mate you are pretty stupid if you don’t think you love her. But either way you need to make sure she knows its over with you and daisy, and also how you feel about her”

“how do I do that exactly?” he says as he slumps his face into his hands, wondering how the hell he is going to get out of this trouble.

“I don’t know mate. Be romantic maybe” Arthur replies slapping his hand on matts back as Karen smooths him.


	5. Chapter 5

The next few days passed like nothing had happened between them. Alex went back to her usual flirty self and Matt couldn’t find the guts to say anything to her. Acting like nothing had happened was so much easier though he knew it couldn’t carry on like this. 

Today being alex’s last day on set before she flew back to America tomorrow Matt knew his time was running out. He couldn’t let her go half way across the world not knowing how he felt about her. He wasn’t sure he could handle all that time not knowing how she felt about him either.

They were filming outside today. It was a cold day and they were filming it in a graveyard. This just added to an already bad day as it was the doctors last scene with amy and rory.

Matt didn’t think he’d need to be acting at all when the time came for him to say a final goodbye to amy. How upset he was already made him regret not talking to Alex earlier, it was all a bit too much.

“sorry guys. So sorry”, Matt said for the third time that day after being late for his lines. 

He was just standing behind the Tardis staring off into space wondering what he would say to Alex. He was staring at her out of the corner of her eye, strangely feeling jealous of the doctor if that made sense? All because of Moffats joke about what the doctor and river had got up too while amy and rory were passed out. 

By the time Matt had finally done that scene correctly everyone was tired and a break was called. Much to Matts pleasure. He needed to sort himself out and quick.

“are you going to tell you whats wrong?” he hears whispered into his ear making him jump which ends up in the coffee he had just picked up spilling all down his hand. 

“ouch, shit!” he shouts as he flails about shaking his burnt hand dry.

“oh im sorry sweetie, here” says Alex concerned as she dabs at his hand with a tissue. “im so sorry, I didn’t expect you to be so scared”

“its fine.. my head was just .. I don’t know where actually” he replies chucking the wet tissues and the rest of his coffee in the bin. “you know me. Im an accident waiting to happen”

“hmm so true” she smiles. “so are you going to tell me why your head was so far away” she says as she turns away, hoping Matt will follow her.

Matt followed behind her silently for a moment. He was glad she had given him an opportunity to talk about things but he knew this wasn’t the time or place.

“can I take you for dinner?”

Alex stopped and turned around confused. “what? Youre sad because you want to take me to dinner?” she laughed as she said it, eying him suspiciously.

“no. well in a way yes. Im sad because of what happened between us last week. And now youre going back to America tomorrow, and it’s the last scene with the guys which is going to be sad enough already.” He stopped himself as he realised he was starting to explain everything now. He didn’t want to confess his feelings for alex in the middle of a full set and a ton of fans close by.

“look Matt about the other day…” she sighed. “Youll still have Karen and Arthur for a while yet, its not your last day of filming so you don’t need to get sad, not quite yet anyway” 

she looks down to her feet and leans again the gravestone behind her. She didn’t have the heart to look at Matt after totally blowing off the subject of them.

“right. So will you have dinner with me?” Matt says playing at her game, he wasn’t going to get side-tracked by her saying avoiding the subject. He knew now he had brought up the subject if he didn’t get a yes off her now she would do everything to avoid him for the rest of the day. He just couldn’t let that happen now.

She raises her eyes to look at him. Matt can see the inner fight she is having with herself.

“we can go for dinner. We can eat before whatever it is im sure Karens got planned for me tonight, and we can talk. We can go for dinner. That doesn’t mean youre taking me on a date”

Matt smiles widely, no matter she said it wasn’t a date he knew it was a good sign. She wanted to hear what he had to say. 

“ok no date. Just food and someone to talk too” he says nodding to her, the smile still on his face.

“ok. Good” she says as she pushes herself from the gravestone. “let’s get back to work”

Matt follows behind her, thinking he may actually have to act sad tonight now. Nothing was killing his mood when he has dinner with Kingston.

\------------------  
Matt had taken Alex aside as filming had finished and agreed to pick her up at 7pm. She had seem more worried than when she agreed but he wasn’t going to let her change her mind.

He left his flat at 6.55 and walked downstairs to alex’s. He’d decided not to take her somewhere too posh, thinking if it seemed too date like she’d be even more closed off. Instead he had just decided on a discreet little place about ten minutes’ drive away.

He knocked on her door and she called for him to come in. 

“sorry I’ll be out in a minute. I got caught talking to Salome” she shouts as she hears the door close. 

“uh that’s fine. Its only just seven”

Alex walks out of the room a few minutes later trying to put on her shoes as she goes.

“ah finally im all done” she says as she grabs her phone and keys and puts them in her bag. “sh where are you taking me exactly?”

“now that would be telling wouldn’t it” he says putting out his arm for her to link too. “lets get going and you can see for yourself”.

They arrive at the restaurant and sit in a booth near the back, Matt makes sure they cannot be easily seen before he agrees to sit there. They stay silent for a minute while looking at their menu’s.

Matt was staring at his menu not really seeing anything. He was wondering when he should start talking. Should he do it now? Or maybe let her have a bit of food first before she wants to leave? 

His thoughts were interrupted by the waiter asking to take their order. While Alex is ordering he quickly look at his menu. He isn’t too fussed on what to order as he is sure he will be too nervous to eat anyway. 

When the waiter walks away with their menus he looks up at Alex and just stares at her.

“It’s rude to stare you know sweetie”

Matt smiles, “I’m sure someone as beautiful as you is used to being stared at”.

“that is so true” she says laughing. “you seem happier this evening. Im glad you sorted out whatever was wrong”

“that’s all down to you spending time with me”

“oh” she says looking down at her drink. 

“Alex… can I talk. Can I explain to you? I have so much to say and I want you to listen…”  
“Matt.. you don’t have too. I don’t see what you have to say”

“I have plenty to say. And you need to hear it. Before it drives me insane, I can’t handle you going back to America without knowing”

She sighs. “it will only ruin our friendship, whatever youre going to say it won’t last and it after a few weeks we will lose everything for it. It.. its not worth it”

Matt laughs then which confuses her.

“Alex are you serious?”

She just stares, trying to work out why he laughed at her. 

“I love you Alex. I…I love you, are you blind? Ok well I guess I was blind for a while but it seems we’re the last two to know how we feel. Now I can see you feel the same as me though. You cant deny it”

Alex sits there for a while, opening and closing her mouth like a fish as she kept changing what she had to say.

“you don’t love me. And yes okay I admit that you make me feel good, I love our flirting, you make me laugh but that’s not love. I think I should go”

“Alex please! Please don’t go” he says putting a hand over hers to keep her there. “even if you don’t love me you can give me a chance, im sorry if I scared you.. if you don’t feel the same.. I .. im sorry. I just know that’s how you make me feel and …” he doesn’t know where to go after that, she had essentially just broke his heart and he still had to beg to just keep her here. he knew though. He knew she was lying to herself; he just had to make her see the truth.

“i…” she looks at his face, she can see the pain and hurt she’s caused him though she knows he doesn’t mean what hes saying. He turning something so small into something it isn’t. “ill see you later. At the party. I need some time alone”  
He sits there staring at the door that she has just walked out of until their dinner is brought to them and he finally realises where he is. 

Too depressed to touch his own food he pays and leaves, deciding to walk back to his flat. Driving in this state wasn’t a good idea.

All he thought of on the way home was what if he never got her. No other woman would ever make him feel like this, there is nobody else he would ever want.

He didn’t even notice the tears falling down his face.


End file.
